Wanting to Make A Lot Of Money Does Not Make You A Bitch.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 at 9:27AM 
I've noticed something recently.
A lot of women business owners are apologizing for trying to make a profit.
They say things like, "Unfortunately I have had to raise my consulting rates because my daughter's preschool raised the monthly tuition," or "I'm so sorry, but I will have to charge you for the brainstorming sessions I used to offer for free." I have even gotten an e-mail that said (in response to a request for a consultation, which I was expecting to pay for), "oh god I am so sorry but that would have to be paid."
As if we are all supposed to be operating on a not-for-profit basis. As if "profiting" from one's work is against the rules. As if people are doing us a favor when they pay us.
What is going on here?
Here are my 3 best guesses. I'd love to hear what you think in the comments.
1. We want to be perceived as "nice" people.
We want people to think we're nice, and "nice people" are supposed to help others without expecting something in return. We forget that being perceived as "nice" doesn't pay the bills. We forget that building a successful business gives us the time and money to help far more people than we can if we're broke.
We also forget that people who expect us to give away our products and services to them on a regular basis are NOT nice.
They don't make it easy on us, either. They back us into corners, act like we're just having a friendly conversation, and then BAM! - demand free stuff or major discounts. In a really "nice" way, of course:
"Is there any way you could help me out with ______? I would so appreciate it [insert ingratiating smile here]. You're the greatest!"
What's a "good girl" to do? We say "of course I'll help you [insert fake smile here]." And then we go home and complain about it to our friends and family.
Stop doing that.
You know what's really nice? Being able to pay your employees. Being able to send your kid to the school she loves. Being able to help your parents when they get sick. Being able to work a little less every day so you have more time for your family.
Here's a quick way to get out of a "won't you help me" conversation:
"I would love to help, but right now I have to focus on my paying clients. I'm sure you understand."
You don't even have to fake a smile if you don't feel like it.
2. We don't really believe our stuff is worth what we're charging.
How many of you secretly feel like you're getting away with something every time someone buys from you? If you just smiled in recognition, don't worry. You're not alone.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard women say stuff like, "I just don't think I have enough experience to charge X," or "I don't think anyone will pay Y to get what I'm selling."
Are you undermining yourself like that? Telling yourself you're not good enough/smart enough/creative enough to charge what you're really worth?
Instead of that craziness, try to get some objectivity. Consider:
- What is the actual value of your product or service? How much would it cost for your buyer to get the same quality elsewhere? How much more money will your buyer make as a result of your product or service?
- How much are you charging?
- Subtract your fee/price from the actual value to get the "net benefit" to your buyer.
That "net benefit" is what you should be thinking about every time you talk about price. Stop thinking about the seemingly big number you're charging, and start focusing on the HUGE net benefit you're delivering.
If you want to make a lot of money, you're going to have to get comfortable talking about money.
(p.s. if you're not yet delivering a huge net benefit, stay tuned...we'll cover that in future #badgirlbiz posts)
3. We have been taught that making a lot of money is not a "good girl" thing to do.
Let's face it. "Good girls" are supposed to stay broke and dependent. Sure, it's okay if we make some money, but certainly not TOO MUCH.
TOO MUCH is threatening. Scary. Maybe even a little.....bitchy. Who are we to make that much money? Who do we think we are?
Here's who I think we are: business owners.
The whole point of a business is to make money. It's the key thing that distinguishes a business from a charity or a hobby. If we really want to be successful as business owners, we have no choice but to focus on making money.
I know that some of you are perfectly content with whatever you're making now. Maybe you've decided that other things (social causes, your personal mission, etc.) are more important than money. I have no problem with that.
But if you want to make a lot of money and you're holding back because you're afraid of what people will think, I have a major problem with that. It's not fair to you.
Say it with me, ladies:
"Wanting to make a lot of money does not make me a bitch."
Good. Now go make a lot of money.
(Oh, and if you don't know how, just keep reading. We'll cover that in future #badgirlbiz posts.)
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Previous Posts in "The Bad Girls' Guide to Business" Series:
Reader Comments (14)
We all know how this bit me in the ass at CIP. Happy to report I'm reexamining and creating new fee structures and packages. I've been doing this for 22 years. It's time I get paid like the CEO, COO and Chief Creative Communicator I am. Thanks, Traci!
Go, Lori, Go!
It's great to hear you remain committed to getting paid what you're actually worth. I'm behind you 110%.
Traci
While I'm rabid about making sure other people get compensated fairly and paying my vendors and bills promptly and tipping servers and not taking advantage of people who work on commission (you'd love my recent buying a car story), you're right -- I don't like talking about money when it relates to my work. Maybe it's being a girl. Maybe it's being raised Catholic. Maybe it's daddy issues. Maybe it's all the times I've been burned by clients already: once I finish the work, I have no leverage or recourse. It is like a favor when they pay me, especially on time.
I actually thanked a client for insisting I send her a bill, immediately. (Truth be told, I love her for a lot more than that though.)
I've noticed I dread doing my invoicing. The little voice whispers "Will they argue with me about how long that took?" "What would I think if I got a bill for that much?" I'll end up charging less because something is better than nothing. And I hate that. I'm a brilliant, talented, fun, caring person who has a great work ethic, and I shouldn't be settling. I know better, but I can't seem to do anything about it.
Eagerly waiting for you next installment ...
Oh, and thanks for the graceful way to get out of leech work. #notanativesoutherner
Hi Kate,
How do you think I know about that little voice in your head that says, "what will they think if I _____?"
I have it too (don't tell anyone). And I hate invoicing too. And I hate hate HATE accounts receivable. But I constantly remind myself that this is what it means to be in business, and I force myself not to undermine all of the hard work I put into getting the business in the first place.
So don't worry about the little voice. Just do what you have to do and drown the voice out with some loud music :)
Traci
Yes! So many women feel as if they have to apologize for charging what they're worth. Yes, I speak from experience :)
Done with that!
"Wanting to make a lot of money does not make me a bitch."
Amen.
I just re-read your #2, and it reminded me of an article I wrote recently for Oz magazine on designing logos. I talk about the process and intangible stuff beyond the end-result deliverable that's usually overlooked when weighing cost. (It doesn't seem that intellectual capital is valued in the same way as physical products or services or performance.) And, as you pointed out, there's the ongoing benefit the client receives every time that logo appears in an ad, gets used on a package, is seen on their website, etc.
Hmmm .. gotta remember to think big-picture.
"Wanting to make a lot of money does not make me a bitch."
Confessions:
1.) I feel like I'm being rude when I send an invoice. Sometimes clients remind me to send one. I haven't forgotten.
2.) A conversation I had a few days ago:
Me: I'm holding a "Writing for the Web" workshop for interns in October.
Client: Great! Let me know the cost for each of my interns.
Me: Oh, youuu don't have to pay anything for yoouur interns. I won't charge you anything.
3.) I was so concerned that a client's project would go over budget, I ended up working for about $1 per hour. I knew in advance how long it would take. I was just more concerned about her budget than my time.
*sigh*
Writing this *out loud* made me realize just how absurd it is.
Kate -
Great article. You're right that "intellectual capital" isn't valued in the same way as physical products - but there ARE ways to package and describe the value of intangible services that make it easier for people to understand.
One of the things we're going to talk about during the #badgirlbiz series is how to explain the value of something intangible in really concrete terms. Thanks for the reminder :)
Traci
Monica,
Sometimes you have to write it out before you can do anything to change it. So congrats for taking the first step!
Your #2 makes me want to jump up and down screaming "Nooooooo!" But I'm sure you feel the same way now that you've seen it in print. Our clients expect us to charge them. When we don't, they actually start to assign a lower value to the work we're doing. They can't help it; it's human nature. Next time I'm sure you'll respond with something perfect, like "It's $X per person, but if you register 5 or more interns I can give you the group rate of $Y per person. Would you like to go ahead and reserve their spots now?"
:-)
Traci
Lori -
Glad to hear you're done with the under-charging nonsense.
Keep me updated :)
Traci
Ugh. My biggest challenge. All of the above and more. Add to those: "Asking for money isn't spiritual," a particular challenge of my field of work; and, my biggest hurdle, "Since my husband is paying the bills, shouldn't I generously offer my services to those 'less fortunate' than I?"
The first one, well, shut up already.
The second one is harder for me. It has, buried at the core, the idea that 1) I am dependent and UNABLE to pay those freaking bills w/o him; 2) My work has less value because it isn't done to 'support the family' (a weirdly twisted notion that I have just dug up and will gnaw on this afternoon.)
There are more under there... and I thank you for lifting the lid on this little box of shadows.
You're doing remarkable work here. Keep it coming.
Hi Amy,
Thanks so much for sharing. A couple additional thoughts for you to "gnaw on":
1. Offering your services at a reasonable price IS generous.
2. Offering your services at a reasonable price to most people means you can afford to offer free/reduced price services to those "less fortunate."
3. In what sense is your work not done to "support the family"? If the revenue allows you to attend events that further your growth, isn't that "supporting the family"? If it allows you and your husband to take a vacation that strengthens your relationship, isn't that "supporting the family"? If it allows you to save for the future, isn't that "supporting the family"?
Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts on this :)
Traci
I'm in...
"Wanting to make a lot of money does not make me a bitch."
Now I just need to figure out the rest! LOL