Stop Being Such A Good Girl. Seriously.
Monday, September 27, 2010 at 10:16AM 
This is the first in a 30-day series of posts I'm calling "The Bad Girls' Guide to Business." Thanks to Sarah Robinson and all of the participants at "Creating Irresistible Presence" for inspiring this post & those to come. For those of you on Twitter, I'll be using #badgirlbiz for this series of posts & related commentary.
This past weekend I went to an amazing 3-day event put on by Sarah Robinson ("Creating Irresistible Presence"). The room was filled with incredible women (and one incredible man - Hi, Brandon!) trying to grow their own brands and businesses.
On the third and final day of the program, we were invited to get "on stage" and speak to the group for a few minutes. The prompt was, "Here's what I want to say." I had been thinking about what I wanted to say since the end of Day 1, and it was this:
Stop being such good girls. Seriously.
Many of us grew up as "good girls" - following directions, getting good grades, staying "on track," doing what we were told. And that worked quite well for us. Until it didn't.
In my case, being a "good girl" got me a full scholarship to college, it got me into Harvard Law School, and it got me a high-paying job as a corporate litigator.
And then one day I realized that being a "good girl" can only take you so far.
For those of us with entrepreneurial spirits and big dreams, being a "good girl" for too long will lead to boredom, frustrating limitations, and unhealthy competition. We will find ourselves trapped in jobs or businesses we don't like, competing for promotions or clients we don't want, and complaining that "it's not fair...I did everything right."
If you're dealing with that kind of situation right now, it's time to give up on being a "good girl."
You are keeping your talents from the rest of the world, and it's not right. It's not fair to you or to the people you could be helping.
It's time to be great instead.
Good girls don't innovate. They follow directions. And for that reason, they will never achieve anything remarkable. You don't have to suffer the same fate.
You can decide to be great.
You can decide to become an innovator. A game-changer. A "bad girl" who goes after what she wants instead of doing what everyone else says she should.
Just take one step at a time.
For me, the first step was to leave my law firm job and get back into the business world. I ran a small business founded by a law school colleague of mine, and was very successful until the recession came along and changed everything. My position was cut back to half-time so I decided to start my own business.
Unfortunately, "good girl" habits die hard. When I launched my company I decided to sell copywriting and editing services, since there were plenty of books and "experts" to tell me exactly how to build a copywriting business.
After a couple of months I realized (1) I was bored; (2) I was competing for jobs I didn't even want; and (3) the "experts" weren't really experts. I began to think outside the box about how to market my services, and my business began to grow (I'll share some of the techniques I used in future posts).
The big breakthrough, however, came when I met a new client (now my business partner) named Rudy Nelson. After we had been working together for a few months, he said something I had a hard time dealing with at first: "You are not a copywriter."
At first I thought he meant that I wasn't good at copywriting. What he actually meant was that I had more to offer. And he was right.
I discovered over time that what I was really great at was (1) developing and marketing innovative products and services; (2) inspiring and motivating business owners to think bigger about what they could accomplish; and (3) teaching others how to turn unique ideas into meaningful profit.
There is no manual for doing that.
There is no easy label for what I do now, no instruction book, no experts telling me exactly what to do.
And I love it.
So I'm raising the stakes. Every day for the next 30 days I'm going to publish a new post in the "Bad Girls' Guide to Business" series. We're going to talk about stuff that makes "good girls" nervous - things like how to make a lot of money, how and when to fire your clients, and negotiating from a position of strength.
I'm going to need your help with this. Are you in?
What are your questions about getting more high-paying clients, negotiating with partners, developing remarkable offers, or turning ideas into profit? What are your thoughts about this #badgirlbiz project?
Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments, and try not to let your "good girl" habits prevent you from telling me what you really think. I'm a bad girl now, I can take it :)
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Reader Comments (13)
I think it's time to start a Bad Girl Revolution, and I am definitely in!
Earlier this year I wrote a blog post about No Regrets, meaning that I don't want to get to the end of my life with regrets over things I didn't do. If I try something and it doesn't work, that's okay. And it's sure better than not even trying it!
After this weekend, I realized that the biggest reason I haven't done a lot of things I've always wanted to do is because "good girls" don't do those things. Well then, it's high time I jump over the fence and become a "bad girl."
I'm so glad I was able to share the amazing experience at Creating Irresistible Presence with you this weekend. And I look forward to the next 29 days of your posts - I know they will continue to inspire and motivate me!
xoxo
Lori
I am so in! and ready to raise some hell. and the stakes. and Shed (doing the Shed Project via Bindu Wiles) ... after getting ass kicked to the curb last night I'm back on my feet and fighting back. No more Miss Nice Girl. Time for Flirty Grrl to take action. Can't wait to see what you unleash Traci
Traci...
Since I met you in person and got to watch you declare this statement, I feel confident in saying that you WILL DO all you are meant to do and you will OWN it. You are a very powerful presence and an amazing woman.
(ps I love seeing your picture on here with your hair down! Don't think I ever saw it down during the 3 days - that I recall LOL) << getting sidetracked!
I am subscribing to your blog now to watch these 30 days (even if I'm not a good girl) and to see the brilliance that you bring... :)
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so tired of trying to fit into some database's pre-defined categories. I'm so frustrated by having underutilized, underappreciated, untapped energy/skills/talents. I'm so drained from beating my head against a wall, going thru the motions, trying to make it all work.
You're right -- there is no instruction manual, and very little support and encouragement for figuring it out.
I'm tired of playing by the rules and getting screwed over. There needs to be a different definition of "good."
Yeah, I sound angry and bitchy and whiny and bitter. Yet I wouldn't be if I didn't care.
So I'm on board. Bring it.
I'm such a bad girl, I keep thinking about what your new biz photo might look like......;-)
BRING IT!
Sarah
Lori L. - Welcome to this side of the fence! It's much more fun over here :-) I'm really glad I met you too and look forward to seeing what's next for you...
Lori P. - I'm so glad to hear you're back on your feet and fighting back. Sounds like your strength is building and you're ready for big things!
Shelly - Thanks so much. As far as my hair - I always seem to find other things to do with the 30 minutes it takes to blow dry my hair...which is why it's usually up. But I do love to wear it down whenever I have the opportunity :)
Kate,
Any time you need to get all angry and bitchy, feel free to stop by. We're all in this together.
I'm thrilled to hear that you're on board and look forward to learning more about you :)
Traci
Sarah,
I love your bad-ness ;)
If you have any wardrobe or prop suggestions for my new picture, I'm all ears...
Traci
Been a good girl all of my life. So I LOVED your CIP presentation and this post. Looking forward to 29 more days of bad!
LOVE it!
Looking forward to your post-#CIP adventure - as bad as ya wanna be!
-Lisa
Amy and Lisa,
Thanks so much for coming by, commenting, and supporting my new project. I truly appreciate it.
Traci
I'm in too, Traci! I had goose bumps while you were making your statement. I'm tired of being a good girl for all the wrong reasons too. I'm tired of being bored! And I'm tired of not making much money. I'm not a mom (yet), but I'm married to a teacher who loves his job... so I know I have to strive to be the breadwinner. Being a good girl is not going to cut it. Looking forward to your upcoming posts.
Monica,
That's AWESOME. I have to agree with you - being bored & not making much money is a terrible combination :)
Welcome to the #badgirlbiz club! I'm looking forward to learning more about you.
Traci