Top 5 Tips for New Breadwinner Moms
Monday, April 6, 2009 at 2:35PM If you've recently become the sole or primary breadwinner in your family, you're probably a little nervous and/or worried. That's to be expected. But don't panic - you can do this.
Here are my top 5 tips for surviving (and even thriving!) as a breadwinner mom:
1. Find a caregiver you trust. Maybe it's your husband, maybe it's your mom, maybe it's a paid caregiver. No matter who it is, the key is that you can trust that your kids are in good hands. If you're worried about the kids, you won't be able to focus on your work.
2. Start saying no. You are a busy person. You have the right to say no to things that will take precious time away from your work or family time. You are not a bad person just because you can't host the next play date, can't go on a field trip, or can't make it to a colleague's housewarming party.
3. Let go of useless guilt. Sometimes guilt has a purpose - it reminds you when you're doing (or have done) something wrong. If you feel guilty because, for example, you stole $5 - well, you should feel guilty. That's not the guilt I'm talking about here. I'm talking about useless guilt - feeling guilty because your house is a mess or because your baby is wearing yesterday's onesie. Let it go. You haven't done anything wrong. You're working hard to support your family, and in your non-working hours you want to spend some quality time with your kids instead of doing yet another load of laundry. There's nothing wrong with that.
4. When you're at work, work. As the breadwinner in your family, your work is extremely important. So it's crucial that you devote your full attention to it. Try not to call home (or the daycare facility) every ten minutes "just to make sure everything's ok." I know this is hard, but when you're focused you're more productive, and when you're more productive you get done more quickly. Focus on your work, get it done, and get home. And that leads me to perhaps the most important tip...
5. When you're at home, don't work. Obviously if you work from home, you can't take this statement literally. But the key point is that when you're done working for the day, try to leave the work behind you. Focus on your kids, your husband, even your own personal interests (imagine that!). I'll be honest - this is the hardest tip for me to follow. But I still believe it's a worthy goal. When you're working to support your family, free time is precious. Try to make the most of it.
What other tips do you have for breadwinner moms? What have I left out? Do you disagree with any of my tips? Share your thoughts in the comments!
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Reader Comments (5)
I agree with you that you need to have some special time when working from home, especially if the husband is the caregiver of the baby. I also feel that he needs time with his friends and interests. The babies needs are simple. they adapt.
As someone who works at home, I struggle with #5 A LOT. Having a laptop that can come with me to the kitchen counter, the bedroom, and even -- I admit it -- the bathroom while my kid plays in the bath is both a blessing and a curse. The funny part is, when I was in grad school (pre-parenthood) and I was fairly successful at keeping work to the workday, I sometimes felt guilty about that. Go figure.
Sarah - you are not alone. Laptop computers, blackberries, etc. have made it nearly impossible to completely let go of work. I wish I had some sage advice to offer about finding balance, but let's be honest - what the hell do I know about balance? :)
It seems as though you've been snooping on me. Nothing is as easy as its laid out here but I'm hopeful :). I wish I could keep work at work when I'm home and not worry about whether I made the kids dentist appointments at work and dust more often and turn down invitations to places I don't want to go, but..... If nothing else, it was good to read your post because I will feel less guilty now that I know I'm not alone.
One thing missing is that when things are out of wack and you realize you've reached your limit, give up some stuff that doesn't add to your sanity and DELEGATE. It's okay if your partner doesn't balance the checkbook exactly like you do and it's alright if the kids clean the kitchen but leave the counter a mess. Let it go.
bizrighter
Hi,
These advices are necessary for the new BW moms.'To say no' , according to my view is the hard to deal for them because some are so related to the things which consume their work time and they don't like to lose that.