Confession: I like being the breadwinner
Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 9:40AM In my last post I wrote about being stressed out and exhausted. And it's true, I am often stressed out and exhausted. But that's not the whole picture.
In truth, I like being the breadwinner. I like working, especially since I'm lucky enough to do work I enjoy. I'm kind of a control freak, so I guess I also like being in control of the finances. I don't feel indebted to anyone, and I don't have to ask permission to buy things. I feel in control of my life, which matters to me.
My work gives me a sense of pride in my abilities and accomplishments, and a confidence in myself that I wouldn't trade for anything.
And there's more. This is the part I'm sort of scared to write, for fear you'll think I'm a bad mother. As much as I love my daughter Carly - and believe me, I love her more than anything in the world - I don't think I would enjoy being a full-time stay at home mom. I just wouldn't be my best self in that role.
At the same time, I grew up with a full-time stay at home mom and I remember feeling lucky that she was around. There was a certain sense of security that came from knowing she would be there when I got home from school, and I want my daughter to have that.
That's why I'm so glad my husband is happy being a stay-at-home dad. And that's why, when well-meaning friends and family suggest that maybe he should "get a job," I tell them he already has one. I truly believe that his job - taking care of Carly - is the most important thing he could be doing right now.
I guess it's hard for some people to believe that I don't secretly wish to be supported by my husband, so I could spend all my time taking care of Carly, but it's true. As tiring and stressful as it is being the breadwinner, I'm happier this way.
Reader Comments (2)
This blog is very brave of you, and if it doesn't quell the din of unsolicited suggestions, I don't' know what will-----Thank your for the clarity of your words-----You are NOT a bad mother for knowing what is best for your beautiful daughter----You have a wonderful arrangement for Carly----Her FATHER-----and this seems to be working wonderfully-----where is it written that a father can't be a stay at home dad-----what matters is that one of the parents is with Carly all the time, providing her the very security you flourished in as a child-----my Eric would love to be a stay at home dad, while Beth is every bit the same as you concerning her career-----just think how tired and stressed you'd be if you had to work and leave Carly in the care of a non-family member for the better part of your/her day-----Be at peace with you life decisions-----ater all, you are the master of that ship
Hi Aunt Karen,
Thanks so much for your kind words - I truly appreciate your support.
-Traci