What to do about my "to do" list
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 at 3:21PM 
Something has gone horribly wrong with my to do list. It's huge, it's growing, and it's unstoppable. It's a force of nature.
It wasn't always like this. There was a time that I had a perfectly manageable list. The tasks at the top got crossed off, the tasks at the bottom moved up the list. It made perfect sense.
Now it's a different story. The stuff at the bottom of the list never moves up. As the items at the top of the list are crossed off, brand new tasks replace them. These brand new tasks go directly to the top because they are (of course) urgent, whereas the last 10 items remain at the bottom precisely because they are not urgent, merely important. Plain old "important" gets hardly any attention when there are enough "urgents" on the list.
I'm pretty sure this has something (ok, everything) to do with having a baby. As a mom, there's never just "free time" when you can get to all of those less urgent tasks. There's (1) work time; (2) meal time; (3) sleep time; (4) baby time; (5) shower time; and (6) collapse in front of the tv time. Of course there's also errand time, visit relatives in other cities time, and other random times but there's no regularly occuring "spare time." Am I alone here?
If you're thinking that I should cut out "collapse in front of the tv time" and instead catch up on my to do list, forget it. By the time I'm watching tv at night, my brain is mush and I am barely able to keep up with even the simplest of reality shows. When "Celebrity Apprentice" seems hard to follow, you know you're pretty much done for the day.
Not that I'm complaining. I'd rather have Carly than have all the free time in the world. I'm just trying to figure out how to rework my to do list - along with my expectations - so that looking at it doesn't make me feel like some of the tasks will have to be put off until retirement.
How do you manage your list? Do you keep your list on paper, on your computer, or in your head? Have you figured out any tips or tricks to help make life easier? Please share in the comments! With your help (and a little luck) my next post will be filled with "to do" list management ideas.
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photo credit: Carissa GoodNCrazy
Reader Comments (9)
Dude awesome post.. I soooo hear you.. and I would sooo love for THAT to be MY to do list!
Thanks for the shout out about the photo link!
I'm logging in here with my blog link (should anyone care...!)
and
@carissa_momif on Twittter! cheers, hope your to do list gets shorter ... snort! yeah right!
Hi Traci! Cool to see your blog, thanks for sharing (via your status updates)
I've recently become a convert to managing my own to-do list using Things -- highly recommended if you're using OSX, and even better if you are also using an iPhone (changes sync up over your wireless network):
http://culturedcode.com/things/
Have never been a fan of PDAs, etc, and I'm still accustomed to keeping my list in my head, which is rather error-prone. But I find that this app pretty accurately represents how I think about organizing my tasks, whether they are vague or longer-term projects, or small errands/chores that must be done right away. And for me the syncing between OSX and iPhone is the killer feature.
hope all is well!!
i think it depends on how old the kids are. At a certain point you can start delegating! But i think you might be a few years away from that. i am holding on to that hope so do not burst my bubble! my son is almost 3 and i must say - list crossing-off is directly proportional to how long bedtime takes. Now that we are down to 30 min tops, the biggest help with my to do list is my husband. he gets tasks and completes them however he can and i just have learned to live with that. if i want to be picky about how something is done i do it myself. i also dont actually tell him there is a list and that he is getting assigned tasks. i just randomly say 'hey hon, can you do X for me?' and he is all 'um ok sure' (usually, there is the occasional 'uh noooo why cant YOU do that' conversation but i think you can figure out how that ends.)
wow look at me with the long comment! anyway so glad there is another breadwinner mom and that you are blogging :) YAY!
Oh I love my lists alright and spend enough time putting them together but you're right in that the bottom half - perhaps 2/3? - never even gets touched. It's the panic events that usually take priority over everything else - like tracking down milk, returning overdue DVD's, and the like. With 4 kids and the yougest at 7yo, I still can't wipe the slate clean. I've just come to the conclusion that it won't happen at this point in my life. So instead, I have been keeping a running to-do list on the computer and giving each item a priority number, 1-2-3 and so on. Once a week if I can remember I go in and add in my new penciled items and resort the list according to priority. At least then I'm not forgetting some of the important stuff.
Thanks Phaedon, Kate and Connie for your thoughts and advice!
Phaedon - I don't have an iPhone but maybe I should! I'm definitely going to check out Things.
Kate - you are totally right about the bedtime thing. Last night it took an hour to get Carly to sleep and of course nothing gets done at night when bedtime takes that long. 30 minutes is a good goal and hopefully we'll get there soon!
Connie - I like your priority number approach. I'll have to give that a shot.
Traci
My Dearest Taci,
I once read an article about moms and to do lists-----it went something like this....the baby's crying, the dog vomited on the floor, the pot's boiling over on the stove and the washing machine is buzzing.....which do you do first, a, b, c, or d?-----WRONG!------the polarity of this verses that is exhausting-----maybe there is no right answer to your to do list, that multitasking is what mothers learn to do, especially when you begin to grow your famlily-----for working moms, that includes their job----a family conference to explore priorities may be helpful, always allowing for the unexpected-----what are your family goals and prioritize your to do list from that perspective-----even stay at home moms suffer this delema.
looking back on my mothering days, (I stayed home for 8 years) the one thing that stands out most in my mind was the sense of urgency I felt, racing to get everthing on the daily list done----I was always saying to the kids, "hurry" until one day my oldest, with the wisdom of a child 5 or 6 years of age, asked, "Mommy. Why are you always in a hurry?"-----it was like a pith instruction that actually caused me to stop and formulate an answer for my son----that question made me realize that I was zooming through life like I was driving on the autobon, while this realatively new person on this earth was seeing everthing in his surroundings as new and fresh, enjoying that experience, while I was trying to make him keep up my pace-----that question form my beautiful son helped me slow down so I could actually BEGIN to enjoy what I was doing, helping me to not be focused on just the task, but also on creating an atmosphere in which to enjoy the chaos----that didn't always go over well with friends and extended family, but that was part of the chaos and colateral damage that had to be managed as well----I just want to say that being a mother is not easy, whether you stay at home or work----the all consuming responsiblity of motherhood is the bond that should unite us, not divide us----you are a wondrful mother asking the necessary questions in these changing times----hugs to you and your family.
One useful idea is to categorize each task by location, energy level required, and/or equipment required to complete it. That way, if it's 7:30 and you can't possibly do the most important thing on your list because you don't have your computer or are too tired or it's too late in the day, you can still be productive by picking something else on the list that matches your physical surroundings and energy level. Or, if you find you have 10 minutes of down time before an appointment, you can quickly check the list to figure out what on your list could be completed in that time frame with the resources you have with you.
As I remember, this is the central principle of David Allen's book Getting Things Done. Allen advocates a pretty complicated system for keeping track of everything. He's got a cult following, and perhaps if I had time to implement his system I'd be a member of the cult, too. I tried to do it the high-tech way - I bought OmniFocus for my Mac and for my iPhone, but it was really just a drag and felt kind of clunky. I'm a paper person, so I'd rather have a steno pad with little symbols next to each list item.
Another thing that's helped me is to just stop doing the things that stress me out. Laundry was a dreadful stressor, and I felt like a modern-day Sisyphus. My daughter is with a caregiver in the mornings, so I made sure to find a caregiver who was willing to do the laundry while my daughter is napping. That way, if something's not clean, I don't feel like I've somehow failed to meet my obligations (or self-imposed expectations) - it's just not my job.
I also delegate errands like grocery shopping and trips to the post office - I'd rather my kid run an errand in the morning with a paid caregiver and spend the afternoon playing with me than spend the morning playing with a paid caregiver and spend the afternoon running errands with a hectic mother. (Incidentally, this saves money, too - someone else shopping from my list spends less at the store than I do shopping from my own list, because I pick up other stuff that I forgot to put on the list, or that I remember that I sort of need... you know.)
All this makes me seem a lot more organized than I feel, but maybe I'm doing better than I think.
I must shamefully admit that I just finished a 2 week vacation from work and even had childcare for 4 of the 10 workdays. And even with that amount of free time, I didn't get beyond any of the fun items on my to do list. Hot yoga - check, facial - check, cooking because i never have time - check, I did not however find anytime during the 2 week period to clean my closet or my son's closet. Bottom line, with the very little free time we moms have, the time should be ours to renew ourselves, screw the list!
Hi Mandi -
Good for you! It's nice to hear about a mom treating herself to a little well-deserved pampering. Thanks for taking the time to post your comment :)
Traci