This one's for my mom.

There are moments

with my daughter

like the ballet recital

or when she first called me “mom”

instead of “mommy”

or when she nursed

that last time…

I feel a joyful ache

of love and loss

of wonder and sadness

so happy for all that she is

and for all that she will be

and yet so sad to say goodbye

to who she was just yesterday.

And in these moments

I think of you

and all you have given me

I think of all the times

you must have smiled

through your tears

to teach me how to walk

and watch me walk away

into the world.

I cradle her in my arms

I breathe in the smell of her hair

holding the moment in my mind

in the hope that it will last forever

and I feel such love

not only for her

but for you.

I think of you…

cradling me in your arms

breathing in the smell of my hair

holding the moment in your mind

in the hope that it would last forever

and I feel such gratitude

not only for what you gave to me

but for what I can give to her

thanks to you.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Love, Traci

The Price of "Fitting In."

I watched Carly (my almost 4-year-old) eating dinner a few weeks ago and absorbed every gesture as if to secure the moment in my memory.

The way she brings that little fork to her mouth, the way she seems to be thinking about something important while she’s chewing, the way she reaches out with 2 little hands to grasp her milk cup.

I was smiling from the inside out.

My mind wandered back to how she ate as an infant. She told me so clearly when it was time to eat with a particular kind of cry that caused my body to respond before my mind even had time to process the information. My arms seemed to reach out to her before I realized what was happening.

As she began to nurse, I could feel her relax – almost melt – into my arms. Her cheeks would grow red from the warmth of my body and her little hand would rest gently on my chest, sometimes holding onto my hair as if to make sure I wouldn’t leave.

She took her time, not wanting to let go even after she was clearly full. She would fall asleep at the end, her mouth falling open when she could no longer work up the energy to nurse even a little. I didn’t rush her.

She looked like the embodiment of the word "bliss."

And then, a few weeks ago, as she was eating dinner, she said: “Mommy, I’m the slowest eater at school.”

I asked her what she meant.

Apparently she is the last one to finish eating her lunch every day. “I don’t want to be the last one,” she said with a hint of sadness.

I told her it was okay to eat slowly, that it was better for her and that it didn’t matter if she finished last.

She pushed back: “But everyone finishes lunch before me.” She didn’t care if it was better for her, or if I said it didn’t matter. She just wanted to finish at the same time as everyone else. Period.

I wanted to tell her not to care – to continue taking her time; to enjoy her meal regardless of what the other kids were doing or saying. But I knew it was no use. I told her to try focusing on eating a little bit more intently, to cut out the talking and laughing that I knew were probably slowing her down. 

“Okay, Mommy,” she said, looking happy to have a possible solution to what she believed was a problem.

I wasn't happy.

It seemed like this was the beginning of her foray into the world of "I just want to fit in" - a world I spent a lot of time in before figuring out that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life there.

I know this moment with Carly is just one little thing, one tiny way in which she felt pressured to change her behavior in order to fit in with her friends.

But still.

It's hard to watch Carly starting to go there, knowing it will change her in ways that will keep her from her true self for a while. I'll try to mitigate its impact, but there's only so much I can do. She will have to go through this phase, experience it, and hopefully figure out for herself that "fitting in" isn't worth the price.

Still, when she's old enough to understand, I want to tell her this:

"Fitting in" can be outrageously expensive.

It may cost you moments that might otherwise have been joyful.

It may cost you emotional energy that might have been directed at something productive.

It may cost you your happiness.

It may even cost you your dignity, your self-respect, and/or your capacity to give or receive real love. 

It's so not worth it.

I think back to Carly's flushed cheeks and the look on her face as she savored every moment of her nourishment as a baby. I think back to all of the meals with family during which Carly took forever to eat because she was having so much fun talking to everyone at the table.

I think of all the little ways Carly is totally, wonderfully, adorably unique.

And I want to tell her, as I will tell you (in case you need to hear it):

Don't pretend to be something you're not just so you'll fit in.

Don't stop doing something that makes you happy so you'll fit in.

Don't waste your time trying to fit into the little box other people will frequently try to build around you. 

Don't take something wonderfully unique about you and replace it with something common.

Because you know what?

You're too wonderful to "fit in" with the people who make you feel like you have to. 

What do you think? Please share in the comments!

Not Everyone Likes You. So What?

The past few weeks have been crazy. This week is the launch of the 180 Journey (the online program created by my business partner and me), and the amount of work that goes into a launch like ours is truly extraordinary. 

But it's not just the amount of work that's hard.

What's also hard is this: when you're pitching something to a large number of people, it's inevitable that many of them won't like it or want it. 

So people on your e-mail list will start unsubscribing. And your e-mail service will ask them why they're unsubscribing, and they will tell you. In many cases, they will be mean about it. And you will be tempted to curl up in a little ball and cry. 

Don't do that.

[note: I am talking to myself here. Because I *was* tempted to curl up in a little ball and cry.]

Not everyone likes you. But that's okay.

It doesn't feel okay at first. It feels shitty.

You pour your heart and soul into your product or service, you try to be insanely authentic in your e-mails and sales letter, and then someone says you suck. It takes the wind out of you. Your energy levels begin to wane. You begin to second-guess yourself. You wonder what you could have done differently.

But you haven't done anything wrong.

You weren't talking to those people in the first place. They somehow ended up hearing what you had to say, but they're not your people. It's okay that they don't like you. You probably don't like them either.

Remember the people who love you.

I've gotten so many e-mails over the past few weeks from people saying the most wonderful things: "I'm drawn to you through your writing," "the content you put out is incredible, "thank you for putting this out into the world." The people who have already signed up for the 180 Journey are excited and happy and can't wait to get started. So why am I focusing on the negative stuff?

Why do we focus on the people who don't like us when there are so many people who do?

I'm not exactly sure. 

But I've decided it doesn't work for me anymore. And it certainly doesn't work for my business.

So I have a new rule. When someone I don't know or care about has a problem with something I've said or done, and I know I haven't done anything wrong, I'm going to say "so what?" and move on. It's business. I have more important things to think about.

If you know me or follow me on Twitter and you find me breaking this rule, call me out on it. I'll try to do the same for you. Because there are so many people who love you, and they're the ones who deserve your time, energy, and focus.

If you need to, practice with me: "So what?"

What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Click here to view all previous posts in the "Bad Girls' Guide to Business" series.